


Thankful

by itbeajen



Series: 30 Days with Raha [10]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Female Warrior of Light - Freeform, Fluff, Insecurities, Reader Insert, Tension, Unnamed Warrior of Light - Freeform, slight tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26403193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itbeajen/pseuds/itbeajen
Summary: Sometimes, insecurities just get the worst of you
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Reader, G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light
Series: 30 Days with Raha [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906222
Kudos: 30
Collections: #FFxivWrite2020 Final Fantasy 30 Day Writing Challenge, Final Fantasy XIV - Crystal Exarch x WoL Recommendations





	Thankful

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #10 for FFXIV Write 2020  
> Avail /əˈveɪl/  
> verb (used without object)  
> to be of use; have force or efficacy; serve; help

Ever since his return to the Source, G’raha has mulled over how helpful he would be to you. After all, in his eyes, there was practically nothing that you couldn’t do. You’ve mastered every style of sword fighting, conquered every single element, and even have the stars and the aether around you to command at a simple wave of your hand. Beyond his own intellect and his ability to analyse and understand the more complex and intricate theories that you have barely touched the surface on, he often felt as though he had nothing to really contribute to your journey. 

In fact, was he even any help at all?

He sighed as he finished completing yet another report based on his and your ventures into the Far East. He had detected a large amount of energy - whether it was aetherical or magical he wasn’t sure, but he had felt it when he had visited Azim Steppe with you.

Krile glanced up from her work mimicked his sigh. “What are you sighing about this time, Raha?”

“Huh?”

“You appear to be in a bad mood and I have no idea why. What is it that’s bothering you so much that it causes you to heave a sigh every few seconds?”

“Oh,” G’raha’s ears flattened and he apologized, “Forgive me, Krile. I did not realize I was so plagued by my thoughts that I have been behaving improperly while working.” 

Krile shook her head and refilled hers and his tea cups. The wafting aroma of the chrysanthemum tea was a welcoming scent, and one that greatly calmed his nerves. As G’raha brought the cup to his lips, Krile asked, “Would you like to talk about it?”

His eyes widened and she continued, “It won’t do for you to be distracted this entire time while we are working. And besides, we are much farther ahead in our research than we had projected we would complete today.”

“If… If you don’t mind that is,” G’raha mumbled a soft answer. Krile sees the grateful smile on his face and she clapped her hands firmly, “Good, then let us break for lunch and head to the terrace for some fresh air and a change of scenery, shall we?”

***

“So, what bothers you?” Krile asked after the two of them finished their meal. G’raha leaned back in his seat and sighed, “There are moments in time in which I feel as though I am not of much help to [Name].”

Krile tilted her head to the right in question of his statement and he continued, “There isn’t a single thing out there in our realm that [Name] cannot do. She has fought primals, eikons, and even gods. She has saved not only our world, but another. When I list all of her accomplishments and achievements, I cannot help but feel small in comparison. She has always been my role model, and I have always wanted nothing more than to journey by her side, but one cannot help but wonder if I am a companion or a burden.”

“Raha-”

“I know, it is foolish and even insulting to [Name] for me to have such thoughts, and yet I cannot shake the feeling that I am not more than a burden by her side,” G’raha weakly laughed. It was his attempt to shake the feeling off, yet he knew that fake laughter wouldn’t absolve him of his feelings, nor would it shake off the concern that Krile held for her friend.

“How long have you been feeling this way, Raha?” 

“I…” G’raha paused and shook his head, “I am not sure to be honest with you, Krile. I don’t believe these thoughts came to me until recently when we were documenting her travels.”

“And have you told her about this?”

G’raha’s eyes widened in fear, “No, how could I?! To tell her of such trivial feelings… I cannot possibly add more burden to her shoulders when she is already carrying all of Eorzea’s hopes and dreams on her being.”

“Raha, the two of you are practically betrothed.”

“B-b-b-betrothed?! No! We are… courting, yes, but I have not asked her yet…” The words rapidly fired out of his mouth and Krile could see his entire face and even his neck turn red from the statement. Krile rolled her eyes and she softly smiled, “I do not blame you for those negative thoughts though.”

“You… don’t?”

“No, I am sure many of us who are close and dear to her have felt such a way before. I can see it when the Leveilleur twins begin acting a bit more reckless and daring. I can hear it in Urianger and Y’shtola’s tone of voice when they speak of her deeds. And I can see it in the way Thancred gets so irrevocably affected by her actions that it spurs him to act in the same way. All of us are inspired by her,” Krile admitted with a small smile, “Even I am. When we had ventured to Eureka together, I knew no one else that I could trust with my life other than hers. Not only had she risked her all to help me and a dear friend, she had helped us piece together the puzzle of Eureka and its existence.”

Krile paused to take a sip of her tea and she softly continued, “So believe me when I tell you that you are not alone in those feelings, but please, please remember that it will do you no good to keep these feelings bottled up. I strongly suggest speaking to [Name] about it, perhaps her words will provide you the comfort that mine cannot.”

G’raha lowered his gaze, and while he felt comforted and reassured about what Krile had said, the feelings of not being good enough was eating away at him no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. 

***

“I’m home!”

You stepped in through the front door, and while your voice may have energy and liveliness to it, you were physically exhausted after working the entire day crafting and delivering supplies to Ishgard. You carefully placed your bag by the doorway, knowing that you’d need it for tomorrow’s work, but you found it strange that the house was so quiet. 

G’raha was almost always home before you, and when he wasn’t, he would usually at least attempt to tell you via Linkshell. But perhaps he worked later than usual today, at the very least, this meant that you could be the one preparing dinner for once.

After you’ve finished freshening up after the long day, you immediately begin preparing dinner. You knew exactly what it was that you wanted to make for dinner, after all G’raha had mentioned it to you in a passing before, that he had been wanting to try arròs negre and mussels with garlic sauce. 

_ Anything for the best boy, I hope he enjoys it! _

While you had gotten to work preparing dinner, G’raha had just finished up writing his reports for the day. He had stopped by the Firmament, thinking that maybe he could catch you before you left. Yet surprising enough, according to the workers there, you had left early since ‘a certain Mi’qote would be furious’ with you if you had stayed later than intended. 

G’raha couldn’t stop the smile that had tugged on the corners of his mouth when he heard them relay your words. It was strange how him nagging at you had actually managed to get you to not overwork yourself. Regardless, it warmed his heart that you were going to try your best to stay out of trouble while helping the Ishgardians with their restoration process.

He bid good night to those that were remaining at the Firmament before teleporting back to home.  _ Home _ . It was such a strange thought that he had a place to call home. He’s been so accustomed to sleeping on the roads during his time doing actual field research that he wasn’t used to being able to go back to such a cozy place that he could call home. 

It felt unreal, if he had to explain it. To be able to go back home to a small house where you were waiting for him just felt surreal. Even more so knowing that the two of you lived there together. The thought of it alone brought warm and fuzzies, but also made him feel so weak inside. 

  
  


Did he deserve to enjoy such luxuries in life? 

He survived his unreasonable attempt to rewrite a future that could have happened, and not only did he survive, but he was even given a second chance to live his life back on the original world he came from. A heavy sigh escapes his lips as his hand hovers over the front door. He wasn’t anyone important. He wasn’t like you, blessed by Hydaelyn, and he certainly wasn’t as skilled as you are. 

While his abilities were certainly above average, he could never boast of his own capabilities especially since he knows yours will always exceed his. He shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts before opening the door.

“I’m home!” The fragrance of rice and cooked mussels filled the air as he stepped in and his eyes widened in surprise. He hadn’t expected you to make the meal he’s only ever heard of in passing from other scholars, and he asked, “Is that what I think it is?”

“Welcome home! And yes, it is!” you smiled as you glanced back at him briefly before returning to plating. He slowly put away his belongings next to yours in the entryway and made his way over to you. As he made his way over to you, he softly asked, “How can I help you?”

“Hmm, want to set up the table? I may have plated the food but the dining table is still rather barren.” 

“Sounds good,” he smiled and began grabbing the necessary utensils and plates. His excitement was rather obvious as there was a slight spring in his steps as he set up the table. He had been wanting to try this meal ever since Tataru bragged about having it to him and Krile. As soon as he finishes setting up plates and utensils for the two of you, you bring the meal over and set them in the center.

“Dinner is served,” you sang out. You quickly took off your apron and haphazardly tossed it over your chair. G’raha shook his head and teased, “I thought you said to put it away neatly.”

“But I’m hungry,” you laughed and G’raha stood up and extended his hand, “Here, I’ll put it away.”

Your eyes widened and you smiled, “Thanks, Raha.”

As he went to go hang the apron up neatly - and properly, unlike you - he came back to see you already separating the food for the two of you. As you slid the plate over to his side of the table, you softly whispered, “I hope you enjoy it.”

G’raha takes his first bite, and the flavor just erupts in his mouth like fireworks. There is so much spice and every single bite is seasoned to perfection. He was in love with it. He has never had such good mussels before and he hummed in delight as he took another bite. 

On the other hand, you had sat there waiting patiently with a bated breath to see his reaction. To be honest with you, you’ve never tried making it before, and while it tasted right to you, you still weren’t sure if it was authentic enough. However the smile on his face and the way he eagerly ate more made you let out a sigh of relief before you began eating. 

After dinner, G’raha is practically forced to go shower and relax. He wasn’t sure how you did it, but you seemed to have noticed that he felt restless, and perhaps even tense. As the water droplets ran down his back, he couldn’t help but sigh.  _ How pathetic am I? _

He shook his head, scattering water droplets all over the walls of the shower and he mumbled, “Perhaps I should talk about it.”

As he stepped out in his towel, he was surprised to hear you singing softly outside the bathroom. It wasn’t uncommon to hear you sing, but at the same time, it wasn’t often. You were usually working on laundry or cleaning the house whenever he heard you humming or softly singing to yourself. He quickly dried himself off and swiftly threw on some clothes before stepping out.

“Feeling better?”

“A bit,” G’raha chuckled as he moved over to help you fold some laundry. You fondly shook your head and said, “You don’t have to.”

“Allow me,” he softly, but firmly stated. You nodded in agreement as you made space for him by the bedside to fold clothes together. There is a peaceful silence on your end, but for him, he felt an unreasonable and almost illogical amount of tension. Why was he so nervous and tense? 

His grip tightened on the shirt he was folding, and before it could tighten even more, you gently placed your hand over his, effectively snapping him out of his reverie.

“Raha, are you okay?” you softly asked. You lowered his hand to a more comfortable position before slowly maneuvering the shirt out of his grasp. His gaze refuses to meet yours and you take both his hands in yours and softly asked, “Won’t you talk to me about it?”

“I-” G’raha lowered his head and he softly muttered, “It’s… hard to talk about.”

You bit your lower lip and softly sighed, “I won’t press you for more, but I do hope you know I will always be here if you want to talk about it, okay?” 

You slowly let go of his hands and turn around to resume folding your laundry, but you can’t shake off the feeling that you really should just talk to him about it. His hands were trembling, and quite honestly you were very concerned for him. You wanted nothing more than to turn around and ask him if things were okay, but you knew that you couldn’t do that. Not when he was clearly struggling to come to terms with whatever it was that was on his mind.

_ Did something I do upset him?  _ You couldn’t help but wander into those thoughts as you began to put the laundry away. You shook your head and continued to put stuff away, but the small nagging voice refused to back down.  _ Maybe I’ve done something that bothered him…? Or maybe something bad happened at Revenant’s Toll, or his research didn’t go well.  _

You were practically gnawing on your lower lip now, but you heaved a sigh as you put away the last of your laundry and walked back to your room. G’raha was standing at the foot of the bed, his gaze anchored to the ground. His ears didn’t even perk up at the sound of you closing the door behind you and you carefully sit down on the bed next to him. 

In tense silence, you offer him your hand, and almost hesitantly he reaches out for it. You feel his fingertips brush against yours before he slowly intertwined his fingers with yours. You don’t tighten your hold on his hand too tightly, but you do give him a slight squeeze in hopes that maybe he’ll come to realize that he could always talk to you. 

G’raha doesn’t face you when he takes a hold of your hand, but he does gently tug you closer upon feeling your reassuring squeeze. You obliged and leaned against him and he softly mumbled, “Sorry.”

He can feel you shake your head, and he knows that you’re waiting for him to continue. He takes in a shaky breath and softly whispers, “I.. Recently I have been having bad thoughts.. And they have been… plaguing me as a result,” he paused and licks his lips. His throat feels dry and his lips are chapped, but he knew he couldn’t just stop here. Now that he’s started, he might as well go full in, “I have been worried that I was of no help to you. I.. I feared becoming a burden to you.”

He can feel you shift your body, perhaps you are facing him now, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t look your way, his gaze is still anchored to the ground, and his free hand balls up into a fist without him knowing. 

“My skills are not as good as yours, and while I am learning quickly, I cannot help but feel like I’m just not doing enough. There is nothing I can do that you cannot already do, so I… I-” G’raha’s voice cuts off in an anguished cry and you softly call out his name and reach out to gently lift his face so that he’s looking at you.

“Raha,” your voice was so soft, and so very kind, yet when he finally looked into your eyes, there was a sorrow and pain that he couldn’t put a word to, “Oh my sweet, sweet Raha. Why would you ever think that you would be a burden to me?”

There’s a sharp intake of air from him and your hand gently cups his cheek as you rub it softly. Your heart hurt for him and you softly continued, “You have never been a burden, and you never will be. You’ve brought so much happiness to my life since you’ve come back. Back then… back then when you had decided to lock yourself into the tower, I swore to myself.. I swore that I would become a person that you would be proud of. And when I saw you again, all that time later on the First… I had never felt so determined before to bring you back.”

G’raha shuddered a breath and you continued, “Every single day since you’ve come back to the Source has given me so much joy and happiness. You may not feel like you’re helping me, but trust me, you are. You give me a reason to continue pushing on even when I am tired. You encourage me to do my best when I feel like I am inadequate. And I trust you with my entire life during battle. You are my pillar, Raha, and someone that I cannot ever replace.”

You feel him tremble beneath your touch, and suddenly he lets go of your hand to pull you in for a hug. In desperation to keep him close, your arms wrap around him and pull him as close to you as possible, all while soothingly running your hand down his back as you try your best to keep yourself composed. But hearing his quiet sobs on your shoulder made you slowly break your composure. 

“Raha,” you softly call out to him, although it was strained, “I love you, you know.”

“I- I’m sorry, I… I-” G’raha’s voice cracked and he softly mumbled, “Thank you [Name], thank you so much. I… I truly…”  _ love you.  _

His grip loosened and you pulled away to finally look at him. You tenderly wipe away the tears that gathered at the corners of his eyes and you softly whispered, “I am thankful for every day that I get to spend with you. It may be little, trivial instances, but I love it when you help me brush my hair. I love making breakfast and dinner with you. And I love how you’ll always help me grab all my stuff before I leave. Do you know what a mess I would be without you?”

G’raha almost laughs at how you pouted slightly at the last comment and he leaned against your forehead and softly mumbled, “I am thankful for you too, my love. Thank you for allowing me to stay-”

“No!”

“N-No?” 

To say he was startled by your outburst and you butt his head softly with yours, but regardless he flinches at your sudden movement. You sigh and shake your head with a small smile, “Thank  _ you  _ for being here and choosing me.”

“So you’re allowed to say it, but not me?” he lets out an exasperated laugh as you finish. You shook your head again, but only slightly, and you continued, “You say it all the time, so let me say it for once.”

“Whatever pleases you, my lady.”


End file.
